WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS

We all need a respite from the intense national and international political, military and economic environment we have become familiar with. I recently came across a series of annotated insults from a time when adversaries were more sophisticated publishing their opinions about each other, rather than reverting to our currently adopted habit of simply calling each other out using four letter epithets. Taking a break from the multitude of potential topics, I decided to take advantage of research done by multiple historical chroniclers and copy a number of these. Please enjoy: - "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr - "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill - "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow - "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway - "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway about William Faulkner) - "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas - "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain - "Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself." - Mark Twain - "To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology." - Mark Twain - " God created war so that Americans would learn geography." - Mark Twain - "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde - "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill - "Cannot possibly attend first night. Will attend second ...if there is one." -Winston Churchill, in response - "I feel so miserable without you; it is almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop - "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright - "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb - "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson - "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating - "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker - "He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more." - P.G. Woodhouse - "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West - "Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde - "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder - "If you were my husband I'd give you poison in your coffee." - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill - "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." - Churchill's response - "I may be drunk, miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." - Churchill to Lady Astor or Bessie Braddock. -"A modest little person with much to be modest about." Winston Churchill - "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln - "There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard - "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed - "You are a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain." - The doctor, (Doctor Who) - "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that full you. He really is an idiot." - Groucho Marx_ - "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang - "I do desire we may be better strangers." - William Shakespeare - As You Like It - "Well, at least he has found his true love" - what a pity he can't marry himself." Frank Sinatra about Robert Redford - "She got her good looks from her father, he's a plastic surgeon." - Groucho Marx about Elizabeth Taylor - "That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say "No" in any of them." - Dorothy Parker - "Thank you for your very amusing review. After reading it ... I laughed all the way to the bank." Michael Douglas to a critic who gave him a bad review My bank won't really care. I do hope you enjoyed these and endeavor to couch your criticisms in more sophisticated terms. Theo Wierdsma